Friendship Inalienable
by J0
Summary: STORY COMPLETE. "Alienated" had a happy ending. The bad guys went to jail. Jesse was safe and well on his way to recovery, but some wounds might have needed more than time to heal. Spoiler should be self-evident.


**Disclaimer:**  All characters herein are property of CBS/Viacom.  No profit is being made from this story.

**Spoiler:**  Alienated

**Friendship Inalienable**

**By Jo**

Steve and Jesse ambled slowly down the beach, just skirting the rising tide.  They'd been walking in silence for quite some time, but it wasn't the easy, companionable silence they were used to.  It seemed that too much had been said already, and neither of them wanted to cause the other any more pain.  In fact, they would have preferred to avoid one another's company entirely, but Jesse had been unable to find a gracious way to decline Mark's invitation to dinner, and when Amanda had suggested walking down to the pier for ice cream cones for dessert, they had both been browbeaten into going along.  When Mark and Amanda, who were sharing the burden of carrying CJ, alternately wandered ahead of them or lagged behind, the message had become clear:  They would not be permitted to end the evening without talking about the rift that had grown between them.

Glancing around, Steve saw the coast was clear.  His dad and Amanda were well ahead of them, and no other evening strollers were within earshot.  It was now or never.

"Jesse . . . "

"Steve . . . "

Having interrupted one another, they both lapsed into awkward silence again.  They walked several more yards without a word between them.  It was never going to get any easier.  Finally, Steve said, "I'm sorry."

Jesse stopped short, and when Steve turned to face him, he blinked several times and frowned.  "You're sorry?"

There was no accusation in the tone, but Steve couldn't help feeling guilty.  "Hell, yes, I'm sorry!" he said with a quiet intensity.  "It was all my fault, and you have good reason to blame me.  I never should have left you.  If I had stayed, Trask wouldn't have been able to get to you.  You're my best friend, Jess, and one of the gentlest people I know, and you had to shoot him to defend yourself, and I can understand why you'd hate me for it, because I damned sure hate myself.  I could have drunk light beer for the weekend, but I thought I was too much of a man to settle for it, and because of my selfishness, all of this has happened to you.  If I had just stayed with you, everything would have been ok, and you wouldn't have been abducted, terrorized, drugged, discredited, and slandered on the pages of the _Comet._  That is all my fault, because I left you, and I can't change it, Jess, but I am sorry.  I am so, so sorry!"

Steve didn't mind apologizing, and he would have done so a thousand different ways if he thought it could mend his broken friendship.  In fact, in the past few weeks, he had probably rehearsed at least that many attempts, but until this moment he hadn't had the courage to put any of them to use.  Now, he realized that for all his practicing, nothing had prepared him for the pure terror of facing the possibility that his apology might not be accepted.

Jesse just stood there and blinked at him several more times, and then, in a confused voice, he repeated, "You're sorry?"

"Yes, you don't know how much I wish I had just stayed there, but I left you, and . . . "

"Steve, stop."

"Jesse, please!"  Steve heard the pleading in his own voice and he didn't really care.  He knew it was all his fault, and Jesse had every right to despise him for it, but this was his best friend.  He couldn't let that friendship die without a fight.  "I know you hate me, and I don't blame you . . . "

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, because it's all my fault."

"Well, let me tell you something," Jesse snapped, suddenly angry at he knew not what.  "You are so wrong!  I _don't_  hate you, and I _don't_  blame you, and I'm _glad _you left me there alone.  If you hadn't gone, Trask would have killed you and framed me, and I would have lost my best friend _and_  gone to jail for his murder."

"But if I'd been there . . . "

"If you had been there, you'd be dead now!"  Jesse was shaking with the force of his words, furious that his friend had been feeling guilty all this time.  "I've got news for you, Steve, the world doesn't revolve around you and you can't keep everyone you love safe all the time!  Trask would have gotten to me one way or another, and it was just very fortunate that you weren't in his way at the cabin."

"So, you don't blame me?" Steve said incredulously.  Since Jesse had been returned from Utah, abused, dehydrated, terrified, and missing several days of his memory, it had never occurred to him that someone else was responsible for the terrible things that had been done.

_"Of course not, you idiot!"_  Jesse raged at him, flailing his arms about to emphasize his words.

"And you forgive me?"

"No," Jesse replied quietly, his anger suddenly spent, "because I don't think there's anything to forgive."

"Well, if you weren't angry . . . " Steve hesitated, reluctant to continue scratching at a wound that he felt they had just now begun to heal.  Then, desperate to understand, he finished his question.  "Why did you stop speaking to me?"

"I was ashamed."

"Jess," Steve said gently, "Trask was a very scary guy.  He had Special Forces training, and no ethical problems whatsoever with destroying people's lives and careers."

Jesse waved his hand as if batting away an insect.  "I know that, Steve.  I know there was no way I could have gotten away from him at the cabin, it's what happened after I came back that . . . I behaved badly toward you, Mark, and Amanda.  They told me what I said when I was brought into the hospital, that I told them you left me, and they told me about the effect it had on you.  I swear, I wasn't accusing you of anything, it's just that it was the last thing I could remember.  Then, I let Trask convince me that you guys were the enemy.  I . . . I was such . . . such an ingrate, and now I'm just so sorry."

"Jess, he was drugging you, messing with your mind.  It's no wonder you were confused."

Jesse shook his head in disagreement.  "Steve, no matter how jumbled up things were in my head, I still knew in my heart that you guys were my friends.  If I had just listened to my heart a little more, everything would have been ok.  I'm sorry I let him make me mistrust you.  Can you forgive me?"

Steve gave a wry smile and said "No, for the same reason you wouldn't forgive me."

Knowing immediately that everything was ok again, Jesse flashed one of his trademark electric grins and said, "You know, now that I think of it, I could have used that load of guilt to get you to take over a lot of my shifts at Bob's."  

"Oh, yeah?" Steve challenged.  "Dream on."

"Ehh, you're right," Jesse said affably.  "It would have been a bad idea anyway.  I've tasted your cooking.  Without me around, we'd be out of business in a week, but maybe I should have considered squeezing a few more hours of pay-per-view out of you."

"Between your schedule and mine, I don't think there are any more hours left that we could watch it together."

"Who said we?  You wouldn't have to be there."  Jesse became thoughtful as they walked and talked, then with a mischievous glint in his eye and a teasing tone in his voice, he said.  "Of course, now that I think about it, what I'd really like would be that old long board you surf with.  I don't suppose you would consider giving that to me, sort of a gesture of friendship, you know?"

"Not a chance, little man," Steve said sardonically.

"Who are you calling little?" Jesse challenged.

"I'm calling you little."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah!"

"Prove it!"

"Ok!"  Lightning fast, Steve put a hand on Jesse's chest and shoved him backwards into the waves.  Jesse landed on his bottom in the water and then tipped heels-over-head and came up sputtering in surprise.

"Ya big bully!" Jesse yelled, laughing all the while, "You think you can just throw your weight around and have your way, huh?"

Steve stood at the edge of the tide, arms folded over his chest, grinning.  "Yeah, I do."

Jesse looked up thoughtfully and said, "Yep, I suppose you can."  He extended a hand and asked, "Help me up?"

Happy to obliged, his heart feeling lighter than it had in days, Steve leaned forward to lend a hand, and with a shout and a laugh, found himself pulled down into the waves beside Jesse.  For several minutes, the two friends played in the water, dunking each other and splashing about, oblivious to the curious looks they were getting from passersby.  Finally, they stopped for breath and sat on the wet sand, waist deep in the surf, and let the water rush up around them and hiss away.  As the incoming foam deposited sand around them and on them, making their clothes filthy, Jesse sighed.

"Steve, I never had a brother, and my dad was never there for me.  You and Mark fill those empty places in my life.  Whatever happens in the future, I want to know that we can work our problems out.  Please, promise me that when things go wrong, we'll talk about them."

"Jess, you know I'm not very good at talking about my feelings," Steve said awkwardly, but then he turned to his friend and saw the sincerity in his expression, the need to feel secure in his friendship, and the affection in his eyes, and he acquiesced.  "You're the best friend I've ever had, Jess.  I won't shut you out, or let you shut me out.  Whatever goes wrong, we'll talk it through."

"Good," Jesse said, obviously relieved, and he offered Steve a happy, friendly smile that spoke more of what they meant to each other than words could ever say.  Apparently, he had realized how much he was asking from his strong, silent friend, and hadn't been at all certain that Steve would agree.  Springing to his feet, he said, "Last one back has to wait on the shower."

As Jesse ran back toward the beach house, Steve frowned, trying to make sense of what the young doctor had said.  Slowly, he realized that the sand in his pants was becoming increasingly uncomfortable, and, shouting, "You're gonna pay for that, Travis," he jumped up and started running after his friend.  Looking up to the deck, he saw his dad and Amanda watching and laughing, and knowing that all of their wounds were finally healed, he smiled and waved, slowed down to a jog, and decided to let his friend have the pleasure of both beating him back to the house and having the shower first.


End file.
